Tuesday, November 23, 2010

in the still of the

Dancing so civilized with no recourse to fail,
she bawls with blanket clutched in woolen sweat
where, under a darkened porch, the play reveals
a paisley counterpane of ghostly pale barely lit,

her crystal d'arc of thirst a shadowed octagon.
The opaque prism is fast gulped clear of passion
and the night's caffeine pulse that greeds upon
a mattress flopped is the restless turning ration.

Vertical blinds quickly turned too dusty creaked
for the woolen blanket's dreaming seams to settle
against a random chance as rising dawn is peeked
with orange streaks dimly bounced on colored metal,
these slats that fail to seal a frontal vision leaked,
his leering spiked by turns of sharp edged nettle.


  1. This is such a paitning...I see the colors and watch the shadows move across her drawn knees, see them settle in the valleys of wool and my unease grows.

  2. Gerry, what I like about this series of sonnets is the unexpected rhymes that you produce. I'm not really a fan of rhyming poems as many poets are trapped by the rhyme and fail to concentrate on the main part of the line. But your poems stand out against this, that's why I'm in awe.

  3. I agree with Gordon in that your rhymes work very well. They feel natural and do not hinder the images. I am a fan of formal poetry though.

  4. Really enjoying your series of sonnets.

    I took your advice on the Berryman sonnets - there's a lot to be gleaned from those, very good stuff.

  5. @W&W: each word a stroke, it was only a bad dream.

    @Gordon: The danger of rhyming, for me, is the possibility of being drawn into sing-song rhythm. Even these sonnets make me feel like I'm writing trite, clichéd verse or something like that. Or at the least, like it's not new ground. Just trying to stay in practice.

    @Megan: Thanks. Still just messin' around. I am planning to get back to some freer verse as soon as I can. Either that, or apply to Hallmark. Ha!

    @JZKnowles-Smith: Thanks man. Yeah, those Berryman sonnets, I think, are some of the greatest relatively unsung (except, of course, by Berryman himself) works of the 20th century. He stretches English syntax about as far as it can go and, for the most part, gets away with it, at least in my non-professional opinion.

  6. the rhyme is quite amazing, given the intriguing word choices you make....
    i was also struck with the sounds of the letters.... not sure if you planned this, but would not be at all surprised if you did.
    great images, as usual

  7. @Harlequin: hard to say exactly but, sure, I spend a lot of time on word choice. Obviously, in the sonnet form, I am aware of the rhyme scheme. After that, the alchemy of the word choices gets a bit more mysterious. Ha!

  8. Gerry,
    I am pleased to have caught up with your poems again.
    I really enjoyed the voyeur feel to this lovely piece of writing.
    The warmth of the paisley counterpane, added a human touch.
    Glad to know you have a poetic launch pad, within your van!
    Good luck and all Best wishes,
    PS: Thanks for your visit and comment to my poem.

  9. I agree that your rhyme is great. Usually rhymes just glare at me, but yours are so unobtrusive. And the imagery and details are beautiful.

  10. An amazing sonnet....full of wonderful imagery....a brilliant poem Gerry! :-)

  11. rising dawn is peeked
    with orange streaks

    I had to keep saying this over and over to savour the flavour of the rhythm...

  12. @Jinksy: I hope you've been able to stop by now, my dear Jinksy.